Reasons Why I’m Not at BeatleMore SkidMania

Hello fellow members of the Lonely Hearts Club,


Tonight is the first performance of BeatleMore SkidMania in the big hall in Zankel. BeatleMore SkidMania is an entirely student-run festival of all things Beatles. The Beatles, of course, being the rock band that changed music. There is a rigorous audition to get into the show, and the Drastic Measures did not get in. That’s the reason I’m not there. It’s not a reason I’m counting on this list. It’s more like an unofficial reason, a secret reason. Don’t count that as reason number one.


Reasons Why I’m Not at BeatleMore SkidMania

1. I’m just not a fan of their music.

I’m not a fan of the music when the Beatles sing their scheisse, so why would I want to listen to someone else do a cover of their music? It takes a LOT to change my opinion on music and I just don’t want to hear a whole slew of students sing a whole slew of songs I don’t have a whole slew of love for.


2. It don’t matter to me if they changed the music world.

Listen, girls. I like my music the way it is NOW. It doesn’t matter if their music influenced Grace Jones who influenced Madonna who influenced Britney Spears who taught Lady Gaga exactly not how to perform. I’m sorry, Brit, but Lady Gaga has you beaten by a long shot. Anyway, I don’t care if Robyn likes the Beatles or if Cee Lo Green loves them or if Nicki Minaj was a Beatle in a former life. It doesn’t matter to me that without them we would have music that is vastly different.If the music culture were vastly different, I would have found my niche within the alternate parallel music culture anyway. Without the Beatles, there would be no BeatleMore SkidMania. Without BeatleMore SkidMania, I would have no reason for not being there tonight, and without reasons for not attending the concert, I would have no reason to blog.


3. It’s not called SashaMore FierceMania.

Okay, I legitimately love Beyonce. Her voice is the equivalent to the Greek Goddess of Music, Olivia Newton-John. I dry-heaved as I typed that, I feel like throwing up now. Ugh. But seriously, her voice is incredible and if Skidmore had a festival appreciating her and the other goddesses of contemporary female R&B, I would be there for every performance in the front row, even if the performers were all jank, terrible singers and none could rock the sparkly tux like she does in the Love on Top video. Other Skidmore music artist appreciation festivals I would attend: LadyMore GagaMania, Destiny’sMore ChildMania, JimmyMore BuffettMania, EltonMore JohnMania, CeeMore LoMania Green, RobynMore RobynMania.


4. I can’t get no tickets, yo.

All bitchiness aside, BeatleMore SkidMania sells out faster than you can say “Jumping Frog of Calaveras County,” with forty tickets or so available for each performance for a discounted price, I think, but don’t quote me on that. Even if there were unlimited tickets, I still wouldn’t go. Just not my thing.


That being said, if you like the Beatles, you will LOVE BeatleMore SkidMania. If you were hoping you’d come here and find that there was a music festival once a year in the second week of November of called StephenMore SondheimMania, you’re going to be disappointed. I know I sure was. Just kidding.


Measure in Love,



About Kevin Berry

jamba juice. mennonite. enneagram.
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